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I used to worry ‘bout nothing
Don’t worry, the present went and sorted me out
Swimming in something
Trying not to drown
I used to care about timing
Now I’m worried my past is the top of my mountain
Staring at something
I can’t quite make out
No I can’t make it out
Heavy my head
And tight is my chest
Focus on whatever it takes to get over the pain in my head
The fear in my chest
Focus on whatever it takes to get over again
I used to dream about Vegas
Don’t worry the present went and straightened me out
Now I dream about nothing
And try to not freak out
And if this is fine
Then I need better than fine
I’m not exactly alright
With this ambiguity
And if this is life
Well then I’m questioning life
Out with my heart on the line
Heavy my head
And tight is my chest
Focus on whatever it takes to get over the pain in my head
The fear in my chest
Focus on whatever it takes to get over the shape of my worry,
The weight of my dread
Focus on whatever it takes to get over the pain in my head
The fear in my chest
Focus on whatever it takes to get over again
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2. |
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3. |
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Said I loved you after 72 hours
But what the hell was I supposed to do
Powerful feelings seem like something to dive into
But now I’m suddenly drowning
Treading water as long as I can
Figuring out a new way I can bail us out
And dance round the issue
Maybe I worry that I’m getting it wrong
But I’m starting to fear that the fire is gone
There's only one thing left to say
Gimme gimme all your loving
Gimme gimme all or nothing
Got me thinking about the way this is going to end
And I been thinking that it probably depends
On how long I can deal with the state you put me into
Terrified about the message I’m going to send
Last chance for the love that we’re in
Baby I’m doing all that I can
To try to hear you
Maybe I worry that I’m getting it wrong
But I’m starting to fear that the fire is gone and
There's only one thing left to say
Gimme gimme all your loving
Gimme gimme all or nothing
I believe that you know better than this
But I get it if it's hard to resist
Please remember that I love you to bits
But if you keep this up I have to walk away
Try to sell me on a powerful lie
Say my options are to fight or to hide
Hey, remember that I’m still on your side
Unless you push me away
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4. |
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5. |
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Met her in line 8:45 before the show
I hear she kinda runs the town or so I’m told
She spent the night showing me things I didn’t know
I’m starting to get the picture
We hit the bar because the line was going slow
She said it’s fine, that hipster joint is such a joke
She says she paints and works in tech and does it all remotely
I’m starting to get the picture
Ooh I’m worried I hate this city
Ooh she says “You’re gonna love it soon”
Ooh long as I have her with me
I can think of nothing else to do
Queen of the city
You gotta forgive me
But God I want to listen to you talk away the day
Queen of the city
You gotta forgive me
But God I love the feeling when there’s nothing left to say
Queen of the city
The spotlight follows her no matter where she goes
She’s something else, my very own one woman show
Knows more about me than I’ll ever hope to know
Oh I’m starting to get the picture
Ooh I’m worried I hate this city
Ooh she says “You’re gonna love it soon”
Ooh long as I have her with me
I can think of nothing else to do
Queen of the city
You gotta forgive me
But God I want to listen to you talk away the day
Queen of the city
You gotta forgive me
But God I love the feeling when there’s nothing left to say
Queen of the city
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6. |
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Like a boat down the riverside
I let you pass me by
Of course it makes sense that I miss you tonight
I feel you slipping away
Like a shot ringing in the dark
I felt you hit my heart
Of course it makes sense that I still hurt sometimes
Sometimes every day
If I just stay with it
If I just stare at it
It’s just a memory
Until I’m over it
Baby
I’m gonna go back to where it started
And see what I see
Like a fire down the countryside
You tore right through my life
Of course it makes sense that I don’t take your calls
Best just leave it alone
Said I never could be deceived
Now that’s just irony
Of course it makes sense that I’m now scared of falling
It's what I tell myself you’ve done to me
If I just stay with it
If I just stare at it
It’s just a memory
Until I’m over it
Baby
I’m gonna go back to where it started
And see what I see
I’m Going Back
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7. |
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You already know
How the moment starts
One more tourist
Spilling his guts in Echo Park
Dams about to burst
Scared of where you are
I’ll be right here
Telling you telling you I know it’s hard
I know it’s hard
For you to say
What you’re feeling
I’ll wait until
Until you say
Say what you mean
Until you say
Say it to me
Pressure slowly builds
Living leaves a scar
‘Till you’re screaming
Getting us kicked out of this bar
Staring at yourself
Scared of who you are
I’m right here
Telling you telling you I know it’s hard
I know it’s hard
For you to say
What you’re feeling
I’ll wait until
Until you say
Say what you mean
Until you say
Say it to me
Try to remember
No matter what happens
I’ll be here to tell you
Again and again and again
Believe me
I know what you’re thinking
I’ll be here to tell you
That I know it’s hard
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8. |
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9. |
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10. |
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I’ve been worried ‘bout the payout
Worried ‘bout the wasted time
Went and had a moment by the mountainside
I’ve been staring at the patterns
I've been learning how to ease my mind
Tryna see what matters
I fuck up sometimes
Does it ever come easily
Will it be waiting for me
Break my neck to try to see exactly where we’re goin’
Is it enough?
Or am I just filling up paper cups
‘Till I spill out and you clean me up
‘Till I freak out and you pick me up
Is it enough?
Or am I just filling up paper cups
‘Till I spill out and you clean me up again
We were looking for a way out
We stayed up for one last night
Said we had a good run
Then we said goodbye
I’ve been worried bout the payout
Don’t know how to live my life
Hoping I have more time
Left to get it right
Is it enough?
Or am I just filling up paper cups
‘Till I spill out and you clean me up
‘Till I freak out and you pick me up
Is it enough?
Or am I just filling up paper cups
‘Till I spill out and you clean me up again
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11. |
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I like to think that death is just some guy who’s doing his job
We’ll call him Brendan
Sometimes he gets tired
But still shows up and does the work
Go get ‘em Brendan
I don’t know if we’d know
How to put meaning into things if not for Brendan
What good is a journey if the journey’s all beginning and no ending?
I know it’s late, but I hope work was good today
I’m sure it's hard, I’m sure it slowly eats away at you but
You try your best and then life gets in the way
Brendan I’m grateful, that's all I’m trying to say
Brendan
I like to think that God is just a woman overworked
Let’s call her Caitlin
Constantly assessing why and which of all us sinners will be saved
I think she’d lose her mind
Or at least lose her sense of time if not for Brendan
She takes comfort in the context of each moment being precious ‘cause it fades
I know its late, I hope work was good today
I’m sure it's hard, I’m sure it slowly eats away at you but
You try your best and then life gets in the way
Brendan I’m grateful, that's all I’m trying to say
Brendan
Brendan babe
I hope work was good today
I’m sure it’s hard
I’m sure it slowly eats away at you
But if you quit
I’m not sure how I’d be ok
Brendan I’m grateful
That’s all I’m trying to say
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12. |
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13. |
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Ready to blow
Not sure if you’ve ever really seen me explode
Quieter than you probably expected but oh
Here I go again
Watching myself
Not sure if I’m coming off as playing defense
Terrified of circumstances I might regret
Here I go again
And it gets to me still
This fear of the dark
So I hum to myself like it’s just
Noise in the forest
Can’t tell the shadows from the trees
Might be a warning
Might be I’m choosing not to see
Don’t feel like I can miss
When you make me feel like this
I’m just noise in the forest
Noise in the forest
Anger begins
I push you away like that could make any sense
Lonely is a sickness that can look like a friend
Here I go again
Patiently then
You wait for the sunlight that comes after the rain
Hope you know I’m grateful every time you stay
‘Till I come round again
And it gets to me still
This fear of the dark
So I hum to myself like it’s just
Noise in the forest
Can’t tell the shadows from the trees
Might be a warning
Might be I’m choosing not to see
Don’t feel like I can miss
When you make me feel like this
I’m just noise in the forest
Noise in the forest
Little rumble getting loud as hell
If you got a problem well
Then you better come and tell me yourself
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14. |
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15. |
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You get mad when
You get told to watch your tone
Yeah you get angry
But hold your breath while you count down
To not be angry
Easier to bite your tongue
Every time that you behave
Every time you play it safe
You can feel it getting harder
Still you’re
Waiting for things to get better
To get better
To get better but you’re not sure
If it’s now or it’s never
Or it’s never
If it’s never been done before
It might be kinda frightening
Waiting for things to get better
Feels a lot like settling
You’re still trying
But maybe if you let it go
And just stopped trying
Finally said what’s on your mind
To hell with timing
Is it easier to bite your tongue?
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16. |
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17. |
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released November 10, 2023
